Relationships

Reflections on Race and White Privilege

August 20, 2022

White people: Our Black community is tired of fighting to survive, it’s time for us to do better. 

Coaching Services
Approaches
SCHEDULE PAGE
Quick Links
Get ready to go from Hot mess to limitless

When we struggle in one area, we suffer in all the rest. But— when we make changes to better ourselves and relationships in one area, all the others improve! We help you do what works.

hello,

It's time. Your life is waiting for you

Schedule

You were meant to thrive.  Now is the time to become a better you!

One of the things that has stood out to me over the last few years is how, being White, I do not have to explain or validate my existence to anyone. I am allowed to just exist. I am allowed to go for jogs wherever I would like with relatively no consequences. But that is not the reality for people of color. That was not the reality for Ahmaud Arbery. Ahmaud was stopped during a casual jog by White people who demanded he explain and validate his existence to them. When he refused to do so, he was killed. He was killed for living and existing as a Black man in America because being a human is not enough of a reason to be allowed to live and exist in White America.

This thought was fueled not only by Ahmaud’s story but also by the many racist experiences my fiancé has shared with me. As a Black man, he told me about the countless times he has sat outside of his apartment in his car after coming home from work and the police knocked on his window to question what he is doing and demand he go inside or leave. He points out how I frequently drive without my seatbelt on and without my driver’s license, how I do not think twice before I roll through a stop sign at night, and do not notice the police car parked behind the building three streets up clocking drivers; I do all of these things with little care in the world because I am White and I unconsciously know that I am protected from consequences by my Whiteness. He tells me about how he chooses the lighter tint to put on his car windows and does not drive with his hood up or a hat on in order to minimize risk of racial profiling. I listened to a conversation he had with his 13-year old Black nephew during which he was educating him on all the ways to minimize his risk factors that come from being Black in America: make eye contact, dress well and be sure his hair is done, use “proper” words like ma’am and sir and use his “White” voice, do what he is told without questioning. The list went on and on. I realize that the examples I am sharing relate to police officers and driving, but his experiences are as just as discriminatory in other areas of his life: when placing orders at restaurants, on social media, and at grocery stores.


The more I hear about my fiancé’s stories and experiences, and even witness them myself as I am out in public existing as a White person with him, the more I realize that many White people hide behind denial and the excuse of, “Well it’s not happening to me so that means it’s not happening.” If I had White children, I would never have to give them lessons about how scary the world is and how to minimize risk factors. I would not have to explain to them that some people will not like them purely because of the color of their skin. I would not have to explain how institutional racism works and how he will have to work much harder than his White counterparts in order to be seen and validated in school and in his future career. My heart is in the pit of my stomach thinking about how I will need to have these same exact conversations in the future with my now 10 month old son. I am nearly in tears thinking about how he will ask me at some point, “Mommy, why are they so much nicer to you than to us and Daddy?”
           

I feel overwhelmed with powerlessness. Even as a White person, I do not feel like there is anything I can do to change the course of society so that I do not have to have these conversations in the future with my children and so that I do not have to worry about them going for a jog without the risk of being killed for just being. I feel powerless that my White colleagues will not be able to get passed their own biases and racial judgments to be able to even begin grasping the reality that people of color live on a daily basis. I would like to say that I am hopeful or even cautiously optimistic that our society can overcome racism, but every time I hear stories like Ahmaud’s I am overwhelmed with powerlessness and anger toward the unfairness and the injustice that so many people are comfortable ignoring. White people: Our Black community is tired of fighting to survive, it’s time for us to do better. 

+ show Comments

- Hide Comments

add a comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

What else?

Trauma may result from a wide variety of stressors such as accidents, invasive medical procedures, sexual or physical assault, emotional abuse, neglect, war, natural disasters, loss, birth trauma, or the corrosive stressors of ongoing fear and conflict. SE facilitates the completion of self-protective motor responses and the release of thwarted survival energy bound in the body, thus addressing the root cause of trauma symptoms. This is approached by gently guiding clients to develop increasing tolerance for difficult bodily sensations and suppressed emotion.


SE offers a framework to assess where a person is “stuck” in the fight, flight or freeze responses and provides clinical tools to resolve these fixated physiological states. It provides effective skills appropriate to a variety of healing professions including mental health, medicine, physical and occupational therapies, bodywork, addiction treatment, first response, education, and others— Excerpt taken from SETI.

Somatic Experiencing (SE) is a body-oriented approach to the healing of trauma and other stress disorders resulting from multidisciplinary study of stress physiology, psychology, ethology, biology, neuroscience, indigenous healing practices, and medical biophysics, together with over 45 years of successful clinical application. The SE approach releases traumatic shock, which is key to transforming PTSD and the wounds of emotional and early developmental attachment trauma. Trauma may begin as acute stress from a perceived life-threat or as the end product of cumulative stress. Both types of stress can seriously impair a person’s ability to function with resilience and ease. Excerpt taken from SETI

An Embodied approach to healing

Trauma may result from a wide variety of stressors such as accidents, invasive medical procedures, sexual or physical assault, emotional abuse, neglect, war, natural disasters, loss, birth trauma, or the corrosive stressors of ongoing fear and conflict. SE facilitates the completion of self-protective motor responses and the release of thwarted survival energy bound in the body, thus addressing the root cause of trauma symptoms. This is approached by gently guiding clients to develop increasing tolerance for difficult bodily sensations and suppressed emotion.


SE offers a framework to assess where a person is “stuck” in the fight, flight or freeze responses and provides clinical tools to resolve these fixated physiological states. It provides effective skills appropriate to a variety of healing professions including mental health, medicine, physical and occupational therapies, bodywork, addiction treatment, first response, education, and others— Excerpt taken from SETI.

Somatic Experiencing (SE) is a body-oriented approach to the healing of trauma and other stress disorders resulting from multidisciplinary study of stress physiology, psychology, ethology, biology, neuroscience, indigenous healing practices, and medical biophysics, together with over 45 years of successful clinical application. The SE approach releases traumatic shock, which is key to transforming PTSD and the wounds of emotional and early developmental attachment trauma. Trauma may begin as acute stress from a perceived life-threat or as the end product of cumulative stress. Both types of stress can seriously impair a person’s ability to function with resilience and ease. Excerpt taken from SETI

An Embodied approach to healing

Excerpt taken from Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute. 

Sensorimotor Psychotherapy (SP) is a complete treatment modality to heal trauma and attachment issues. SP welcomes the body as an integral source of information for processing past experiences relating to upsetting or traumatic events and developmental wounds. SP incorporates the physical and sensory experience, as well as thoughts and emotions, as part of the person’s complete experience of both the trauma itself and the process of healing. Excerpt taken from Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute.  


An Embodied approach to healing

SP seeks to restore a person’s ability to process information without being triggered by past experience. SP uses a three-phase treatment approach to gently guide the client through the therapeutic process – Safety and Stabilization, Processing, and Integration. The therapist must pay close attention to the client to ensure that they are not overwhelmed by the process while simultaneously engaging their own abilities and capacities for healing.

It is thought that SP strengthens instinctual capacities for survival and assists clients to re-instate or develop resources which were unavailable or missing at the time the trauma or wounding occurred. Once resources are developed and in place, the traumatic event can be processed with the aid of resources. SP is a well-developed approach with decades of success in the treatment of trauma and developmental wounds. — Excerpt taken from Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute. 

Excerpt taken from ACBS Association for Contextual Behavioral Science. 

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a comprehensive multi-diagnostic, modularized behavioral intervention designed to treat individuals with severe mental disorders and out-of-control cognitive, emotional and behavioral patterns. It has been commonly viewed as a treatment for individuals meeting criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) with chronic and high-risk suicidality, substance dependence or other disorders. However, over the years, data has emerged demonstrating that DBT is also effective for a wide range of other disorders and problems, most of which are associated with difficulties regulating emotions and associated cognitive and behavioral patterns. 

radical acceptance and change

As the name implies, dialectical philosophy is a critical underpinning of DBT. Dialectics is a method of logic that identifies the contradictions (antithesis) in a person's position (thesis) and overcomes them by finding the synthesis. Additionally, in DBT a client cannot be understood in isolation from his or her environment and the transactions that occur. Rather, the therapist emphasizes the transaction between the person and their environment both in the development and maintenance of any disorders. It is also assumed that there are multiple causes as opposed to a single factor affecting the client. And, DBT uses a framework that balances the treatment strategies of acceptance and change - the central dialectical tension in DBT. Therapists work to enhance the capability (skills) of their client as well as to develop the motivation to change. Maintaining that balance between acceptance and change with clients is crucial for both keeping a client in treatment and ensuring they are making progress towards their goals of creating a life worth living. — Taken from DBT-Linehan Board of Certification. (click to learn more)

Wanna know
a little bit
about us?

We are a spunky team of gals who are therapists, moms, life coaches, and wives. We are made of sturdy compassion for hard stories, grit for the work, and exuberance for life.  

hey there!

Jace

Sandy

Vanessa

Rachel

Women's Wellness Seminar

SEE PRESENtation

Presentation

We are launching our GRIT Kids program!

More

Look what's new

 Our Resources

Sign Up For Wellness Tips

Sign up to receive our monthly (sometimes twice monthly) newsletters with helpful hints and hacks. Nope, we don't sell your info...we dont even know how.

Free HINTS

Wellness Tips

Subscribe

* indicates required

You were made to flourish.  You were made to thrive.  Don't accept anything less that being fully you!

Home
Coaching SERVICES
meet us
Approach

WELL COACHED LIFE

follow along with us

Podcast >

blog >

@wellcoached >

© WELL Coached LIFE 2020 - 2022 

Schedule