When we have lost a loved one, dates, life milestones, and anniversaries that we used to look forward to become days that we dread. On these days, the wound of loss that we have worked so hard to heal gets re-opened and we are thrust back into our memories and the “what ifs?” The dull ache of grief and sadness that we’ve learned to live our lives around transforms into the searing, sharp pain we felt the moment we learned that our loved one had passed. We are brought right back to the bottom of that cold dark hole we have painstakingly clawed ourselves out of, inch by inch.
Five years ago she hugged me for the last time.
He would’ve been 33 years old today.
Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday.
It’s been ten years today, shouldn’t I be over this already?
No. No you shouldn’t be over it. And the reality is you will never get over the loss of your loved one.
Time does not heal all wounds as the dates, life milestones, and anniversaries consistently and reliably remind us every year. What does heal the wound of grief and loss is learning to not fall as hard when the wound is re-opened. It’s learning to trust yourself to experience these reminders not as dread of the loss but as an opportunity to keep your loved one alive in your mind.
Five years ago she hugged me for the last time. I’m so happy that I get to pass the nurturing and warmth I learned from her on to my children.
He would’ve been 33 years old today. He always started his birthday morning taking a walk, I’m going to go for a walk this morning.
Thanksgiving is his favorite holiday. Green bean casserole was his favorite Thanksgiving food and he always told me, “eat up, green beans will put hair on your chest.” I smile thinking about how much green bean casserole I would eat even though I didn’t like it.
It’s been ten years ago today. I know she would be so proud of who I’ve become and what I’ve accomplished in these last ten years.
Losing someone doesn’t have to be the end of your life too, and learning to be yourself in your new life without your loved one doesn’t have to be as miserable as it can feel.