Mother’s Day is everywhere this time of year. Pink cards. Brunch specials. Social media posts of glowing tributes. For many, it’s a day of gratitude and celebration. But for others, Mother’s Day brings a tangle of emotions—grief, resentment, longing, confusion. If your relationship with your mother is complicated, estranged, painful, or unresolved, this day can feel more like a spotlight on what’s missing than a celebration of love.

And you’re not alone.

The Myth of the Universal Mother

There’s a cultural script that says all mothers are nurturing, selfless, and unconditionally loving. This idealized image is powerful—but not universal. Some people grew up with mothers who were emotionally unavailable, controlling, critical, neglectful, or abusive. Others had mothers who were kind but distant, overwhelmed, or simply not equipped to meet their child’s emotional needs. Some people lost their mothers early, or watched them suffer. Others are mothers themselves now, trying to reparent themselves while raising their own kids differently.

When society insists that all mothers are heroes, it can feel invalidating. It erases the complexity of real lived experience. And it can make people feel guilty for having less-than-rosy feelings about their own moms.

What Mixed Feelings Really Mean

If Mother’s Day stirs up anger, sadness, or ambivalence in you, it doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or broken. It means you’re human. It means your nervous system remembers. It means your story has layers. You might hold love and pain in the same breath. You might miss the mother you never really had. You might feel relief and guilt at the same time. You might be parenting yourself through emotions your mother never helped you name.

These are not contradictions. They’re truths that coexist.

Finding Your Own Way to Acknowledge the Day

You don’t have to pretend. And you don’t have to perform a version of the day that doesn’t fit your reality. Here are some ways to honor Mother’s Day on your own terms:

• Grieve what never was. If you feel loss, even for something intangible—an emotional connection, a sense of safety, a role model—that grief is valid.
• Celebrate your survival. If you made it through childhood with a mother who harmed or failed you, today can be a day of honoring yourself.
• Recognize other mother figures. Maybe a grandmother, aunt, mentor, teacher, or friend gave you the nurturance you needed. That counts.
• Break the cycle. If you’re a parent now doing the hard work of healing and parenting differently, give yourself the acknowledgment you deserve.
• Allow joy where it exists. You can love parts of your mother, or certain memories, and still hold boundaries or protect yourself. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Permission to Feel Everything

Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be erased from your calendar. But it also doesn’t have to be celebrated in a way that feels false. You can rewrite the narrative for yourself. You can opt out of the brunch. You can light a candle. You can cry. You can laugh at how weird and contradictory it all feels. You can make peace with not having peace.

Your experience matters—messy, bittersweet, and honest.